Boundaries in dating participants guide making dating work
If you're second-guessing whether you should shoot your shot, you might be surprised to know that dating or sleeping with a coworker is actually fairly common.
In fact, a February 2019 study from job site shows that 58% of employees have been in a relationship with a colleague.
"If you are not sure how a coworker would respond, try to ask around and see if they have expressed romantic interest in you before," Goren suggests.
"Casually bringing this topic up to others is a safe way to find out if they may have said something, and to confirm that they are indeed single."Dr. Smedley, a clinical psychologist and active member of the American Psychological Association, says your should not not proceed if asking your work crush out if it would make them uncomfortable.
Assuming the two of you went out for coffee or dinner, you should say something to the effect of, “I’m enjoying our conversation and appreciate your time. TBH, that's a solid practice that's for every romantic/sexual relationship, not just those with coworkers! If you're going to be seeing them at work and snuggled up in your sheets, be intentional.
Discuss what times at work are for chit-chatting, and what you can and can't discuss in the office.
If they accept, save the more personal and intentional conversation for that time. "Be clear about your interests and goals for getting to know one another."Goren adds that you should def ask your coworker out in a "comfortable place, that does not put either of you in a position of power." For example, asking your assistant or team member's assistant out for coffee in the kitchen or the common area is better vibe than say in your office, with the door shut.
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If you really feel like your boss or junior team member is "the one," Goren says you can try talking to HR and seeing if you can transfer teams.Another helpful tidbit Smedley offers here is that "everyone may not need to know you’re dating." Double-check your company's policy on workplace dating, and see if keeping it on the DL or being transparent about it is required.Talk to work bae about it and see if you're on the same page."You may consider asking about current projects they are working on or other work-related topics to show you are still interested in casual conversation," Goren says. Not only is it respectful, Smedley says, "But is also empowering to each party to ensure their voice is heard, needs are met, and boundaries are established." It also prevents assumptions, which can often lead to disappointment later.
"Avoiding them altogether can create awkwardness and leave both parties unsure of how to act moving forward." So for the sake of your job? And even if the moment is awkward, acknowledge it, keep pushing ahead, and give your feelings for your work crush the pink slip. Be super upfront about what kind of relationship you're looking for: short-term, long-term, romantic relationship, semester-long fling, et cetera.It really just depends, so be sure to read the room!
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