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And naturally Bob didnt understand my wanting to be in the bedroom ON MY OWN to have my Quiet Time with God.
Later on, I discovered I loved computers - and that became a real problem.
But why was He taking so long to come to my rescue?
I was learning, by bitter experience, that just as in my marriage there was no automatically living happily ever after, so my relationship with God was also having its ups and downs. I knew that God was aware of my every thought, word, action - so many times I restrained myself. He said or did whatever he wanted to, whenever he wanted to, however he wanted to. I had been lonely as a young child because we had had to move from place to place during the war, so I didnt have the opportunity to make friends. I hadnt learned how to mix with others and I couldnt invite other kids home to my place because I never knew when Pop was going to get drunk and violent. Of course, when I married I thought that I would never be lonely again. For years I suffered loneliness of heart and soul and mind that went so deep that it would be more accurate to describe it as a desolation of spirit.
How could I - since I was seething in rage the whole time? So the more unloved I felt, the more unlovable I became - not that I was aware of it of course. I was, and still am, the living embodiment of someone who is susceptible to this kind of bonding. No, I was never physically unfaithful to Bob, but that doesnt mean that the longing wasnt there.
These people didnt have a clue what my life was like - how could they?